It's a Shame John Reed Died Without Making a Will
by Harmonic Friction
Summary: Some good old fashioned morbidity as John's two maids discuss his death, gossip about his family, and attempt to steal his clothes.


**AN: **Well, I have other chapters to post of _Sinner _(my John Reed fic). Alas, they are on the Other computer (which is really ghetto and doesn't like to work). So until I format the files, I wanted to give John some more love… If I wrote a Jane Eyre musical, this would be in there, totally. But I'd be fired from the job, because my entire musical would revolve around John Reed! … Oh well.

This would be sung by John's maids (in his own estate, not Gateshead). Let's call them Beatrice and Anne, just for the fun of it. (?) Inspired partly by one of the songs in one of the musicals of _A Christmas Carol_ (not the muppet one, though) and also by the fact that old skool maids knew _everything _about _everyone _and they were kind of creepy. Anyway….

**IT IS A SHAME YOUNG JOHN REED DIED (Without Making a Will)**

**---**

**ANNE: **_Well, _Miss Beatrice, tis quite a loathsome task.

Funeral arrangements, messes to clean

On account of that snobbish a—

**BEATRICE: **_I _wouldn' speak so loudly

What with his death so short ago

_What if the devil has refused his nasty, brazen soul?_

**ANNE: **Quite so, thank you, Miss Beatrice

But there is _so _much I'd like to say

It's been a _difficult _time with that criminal

So many secrets—not much pay

**BEATRICE: **Miss Anne, I pray, keep silent

And just focus at the task at hand

We've got to sort through these foul things he was wearing when his fate did land

**ANNE: **_Ugh, I cannot believe the master_

Sickening until his end

**BEATRICE: **Try to be kind, girl!

Remember our Lord, and _try _to be forgiving, my friend

(The two maids set to work around Reed's corpse, covered by the canopy. A few minutes of silence and then:)

**ANNE: **Just _look _at that amazing waistcoat!

Oh, how I wish he'd picked a different way to die.

**BEATRICE: **You know, you're _right. _I think the _blood _might ruin it.

Unless one of us quickly takes it

Cleans it

Brings it

Home, think what it's worth!

**ANNE: **Now you get it, Miss Beatrice!

Even his socks are worth more than our paltry pay

Do you _think _that if I removed that _ring—_

**BEATRICE: **Stop this talk _at once! _There is _no way!_

**ANNE: **Oh, _Miss Beatrice… I'm **just **sayin'…_

CHORUS

_It's such a shame John Reed passed on_

_Oh so very young_

_But considering his vile lifestyle_

_I'm surprised he wasn't all ready hung!_

_What's done is done_

_He's met his end _

_And in Hell, he's likely sinning still!_

_It's just such a shame that young John Reed_

_Died without making a will!_

He did it to complicate everything!

He left us nothing to spite us all

He picked the most grotesque way

To kick oneself off

And I'll bet he had a _ball!_

**BEATRICE: **Now I know that he was a monster

But do you think this is really _fair?_

It's obvious he had an upsetting life

And that's why—

**ANNE: _I DON'T CARE._**

_Miserly pay for cleaning up vomit almost every night_

The least he could have done was leave us _something_

To make everything right!

**BEATRICE: **Or at _least _he could have made it clearer

What arrangements he wanted made

How perfectly _crude _to _swallow a bullet_

_And leave the cleanup for the maids!_

**ANNE: **You _get _it! And simply imagine how Lady Reed

Will act when she arrives

_How _she coddled and protected that scoundrel throughout the years he was alive

_"Oh, John, dear, if you are in jail again, _

_Mummy won't be angry or shout_

_Just name the price, any ridiculous price_

_And Mama will bail you out!"_

**BEATRICE: **These rich women _don't _even notice

Money wasn't what she should've given her son!

By acting so gooey with no discipline—

She _practically handed him the gun._

**ANNE: **I almost _wish _he'd written a letter

So Missus Reed could have seen how that money was spent!

_'I MAKE MY WILL OUT TO THE LONDON WHORES'_

See, Missus, your John was no admirable gent!

**BEATRICE: (**speaking) My husband would _love _this lace collar—

And I _think _I could get out the blood!

**ANNE:** You had better collect what you want

Before Eliza Reed comes to search

She's been waiting for this day

She'll pick out the best—

And donate it all to her _church! _

**BEATRICE: **Oh! Quick! Grab the most handsome outfits you can

Even though they're a size much too big

**ANNE: **It's a _smart _thing John decided over hanging

Or the _roof would have fallen to the floor, that pig!_

(They begin scrounging around his possessions, quickly.)

CHORUS together

_It's such a shame John Reed passed on_

_Oh so very young_

_But considering his vile lifestyle_

_I'm surprised he wasn't all ready hung!_

_What's done is done_

_He's met his end _

_And in Hell, he's likely sinning still!_

_It's just such a shame that young John Reed_

_Died without making a will!_

(At the sound of the door downstairs unlatching, the maids drop their treasures and scurry away.)


End file.
